Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize