Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
