I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
