Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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