After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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