The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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