went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She even gives head with a lisp.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
