you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
