how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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