He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
