I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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