Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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