he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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