Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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