I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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