i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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