Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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