i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
