i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
