I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize