Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
