dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
