pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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