I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
