does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
