You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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