Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
