bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So. Much. Porn.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
