My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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