Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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