We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
