Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I just sharted jello shots
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