i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
