his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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