He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
