nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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