if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
