We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
