there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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