I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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