i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
