Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
FUCK WHALES
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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