How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
