Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
