I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize