dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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