i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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