I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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