Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you still have your period?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
