What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
