JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
