i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
