Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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