so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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