drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
