this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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