Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
