You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
